Dear Dunkin'

I made something and I think you may like it.

I made something and I think you may like it.

I'm a simple man with simple needs.
Let's make a deal.

How it works:

Preorder Now

Patent Pending

Food Safe & Dishwasher Safe

$12.99 + shipping · Estimated ready: Holiday 2026

Cool!

A Letter to Dunkin'

My Offer to You

I am prepared to make the deal of a lifetime.

I am not a fancy boy - I would like a pontoon boat.
Specifically, a Sun Tracker PARTY BARGE® 20 DLX w/ 60 ELPT FourStroke Command Thrust Mercury® FourStroke.
MSRP is $32,870 - not including the trailer (I'll need that too)

Crown of the Butternut King of New England

I would also like to be crowned the "Butternut King of New England"

I will trade you these things for the intellectual property rights for my donut hole-der. I can make it, but I don't want to.

I think this is a fair deal, but am willing to talk to Tim Hortons if necessary.

How It Works

Three steps. That's it. You got this.

Click!

Step 1

Load it up!

Flip open the cap and fill it with 3 or 4 of your favorite donut hole treats.

I've optimized the design to work with over 80% of the donuts out there.

Just eat the other ones. You'll be ok.

Pop!

Step 2

Press to Dispense!

Simply press the lever to drop a donut hole directly into your waiting hand (or mouth — whatever floats your boat).

I've spent a year refining this to work well. My patent pending Drop-Stopper prevents the next donut from falling. Neat!

Chew!

Step 3

Eat it!

I think you can figure this one out for yourself.

Created using both math
AND science

I've measured nearly 100 donut holes to determine the optimal design to work with over 80% of donuts. I ate a bunch too and forgot to measure them.

82 Donut holes
measured

80% Compatibility
confirmed

Fun Fact

Donut holes are ellipsoids, not spheres

Did you know that? Neither did I. This means I had to measure 3 dimensions for each donut.